I Used To Be The One Who Knew

Nobody will let you call this a loss.

If you tried to describe it at a school gate, it would come out sounding like vanity. I miss being the one who knew the answers. There is no version of that sentence that does not sound faintly ridiculous.

But it was a real thing and you genuinely enjoyed it, and it has gone, and what you have instead is a slightly awkward seat at a table where the work has moved past you.

And what nobody says about this is that the enjoyment was not about being clever. It was about being useful to somebody you love, in a way that was specific and immediate, and that particular pleasure is not replaceable by being told you are still important in other ways.

To every thing there is a season

There is a line at the start of Ecclesiastes 3 that most people can quote and very few people apply to something small.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. (Ecclesiastes 3:1, King James Version)

Every thing. That is a wide phrase and it is deliberately wide. It is not reserved for large things.

And a time to every purpose. Purpose, which means a thing had a point and the point was real while it lasted.

So the verse does two things at once, and the second one is the one that usually gets missed. It says the season ends. It also says the season was a genuine season, with a genuine purpose, and not a mistake.

You have been handed something that names the ending and validates the thing that ended, and no season anywhere has ever once been retrospectively canceled by having finished. The Holy Spirit is the one who lets a person mourn something ordinary without embarrassment, and Ecclesiastes 3:1 gives every purpose its time.

And the whole passage that follows is a list of opposites. A time to keep and a time to cast away. It does not rank them. It does not say the casting away is better or worse than the keeping.

You were never in a worse season than the last one, and no time under heaven has ever once been ranked above another one in that chapter. The Spirit of God is the one who keeps an ending from being read as a decline, and the written word sets the pairs side by side without a hierarchy.

The loss is real, and so is the next job

So let me say the obvious thing plainly first, because nobody in your life has left room for it.

It was a loss. Small, real, unremarked. You lost a role you enjoyed and nobody marked it and there was no moment at which it ended.

That is worth about thirty seconds of honesty before we move on, because a loss that has never been named does not go anywhere. It just turns into a low flat feeling at a kitchen table.

You have been carrying something with no name on it, and an unnamed small loss has never once been lighter than a named large one. The Holy Spirit is the one who lets a person call a thing what it was, and Ecclesiastes 3:1 gives the season its purpose and its ending in the same sentence.

And now the second half, which is where this goes somewhere.

The job at that table was never actually answering. Answering was the form it took while the material was easy enough for you to answer.

The job was being useful to somebody at a table. And there are four or five other ways to be useful at a table that have nothing whatsoever to do with knowing anything.

You have several jobs available that have never once required you to know a single thing about the subject. The Spirit of God is the one who hands over the next one rather than only closing the last, and the written word makes room for a new season with its own purpose.

You were never in that chair for the answers, and nobody has ever once sat down beside a child because they enjoyed being correct. The Holy Spirit is the one who shows a person what the purpose actually was, and Ecclesiastes 3:1 gives every purpose a time.

Do one thing that is not answering

So here is the assignment, and it is deliberately unglamorous.

Tonight, do one thing at the table that is not answering.

Hold the page flat so it does not curl. Read the question out loud so she can hear it rather than read it. Run the timer. Write down which ones she did without help, so there is a record. Sharpen something. Find the right page in the book so she does not have to break off.

Pick one. Do it properly, as an actual job, and do not apologize for it being small.

You have a real contribution available tonight that has never once depended on understanding a word of the work. The Spirit of God is the one who is present while a page gets held flat on purpose, and Ecclesiastes 3:1 puts a purpose under every time without ranking any of them.

Because it is not small. Every one of those is a genuine contribution to what is happening at that table, and every one of them is invisible to the person doing it and completely visible to the child.

And the thing you liked, which was being useful to somebody you love in a way that was specific and immediate, is available in all of them.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 gives every purpose its own time, and the Holy Spirit is the one who is at a table where somebody holds a page flat on purpose.

You are permitted to take a smaller looking job, and no job at that table has ever once been measured by how much knowledge it required. The Spirit of God is the one who makes an unglamorous task into a real one, and the written word grants a purpose to every season.

You have the exact thing you were missing available tonight, and it has never once been attached to knowing the answer. The Holy Spirit is the one who supplies the next one without announcing it, and Ecclesiastes 3:1 puts a purpose under every time.